Keeping Relationships Juicy

At the beginning of new love, there can be an effortlessness to passion.  Over time, it is quite common for much of those yummy new relationship feelings to fade.  Life circumstances, health challenges, a new job, children, or aging can add to the sometimes difficult dance of keeping intimacy alive and juicy.

One of the biggest blessings of Tantra are the intentional invitations and practices designed to create love, build attraction, and keep love alive.

ATTUNEMENTS with self.

Tantra invites us to first attend to ourselves with breathing practices, meditation, exercise, being in nature — things that feed our bodies and spirit. Once we tend to ourselves, we can better attune with our partner(s).

One way I see Tantra is the practice of honing the ability to embody the present moment with inner listening, and then step forward to connect with another.  When both people are resourced, the connection is so alive! 

What attunes you to your inner rhythms?  What relaxes and awakens you?

Consider engaging in that practice for a few minutes each day to keep the juice flowing within.

ATTUNEMENTS with another.

In addition to sexual energy, Tantra is also about tuning to the energy of love and full body presence with each other.  Consider setting aside time to nurture each other with 5 – 10 minute practices I call: Attunements.These simple attunement practices can be delicious ways for keeping relationships juicy.  You might:

  • Eye gaze
  • Touch slowly with presence in the hands
  • Spoon and match breathing
  • Pause in your day and hug for three slow deep breaths
  • Sensual massage on shoulders, feet, hands, head…

Simple.  Present.  Intimate.

Verbal attunements involve setting aside a few focused minutes to hear about each other’s day.  While listening, see if you can feel beyond the words into your precious beloved’s heart.

Ask questions like:

  • How was your day?
  • How is your heart?
  • What do you need from me?
  • How can I nourish you?

TANTRA for a busy life.

In a busy life, maybe we have 10 minutes to connect before we need to get up and take care of the children and make dinner.  It’s not practical to put off all our connecting until a date night or a two hour love making session (that may get canceled or interrupted).  Keeping a steady flow of juice going into the relationship with short Attunements makes it more likely that we will feel like making love, or that we will prioritize date night.In 5 minutes of present listening, massaging, holding, or kissing — we can wake up the senses and then cook dinner and have it taste even better.

I love working with couples to find their way back to a juicy connection, or to learn how to keep nurturing and attuning it.

I would love to support or help. I invite you to set up a free discovery session with me to see what kind of suggestions I might make.

Listening IN thru the Seasons

Happy Winter Solstice everyone!

Winter can be a time for going within, for slowing down, and for listening more to our body’s wisdom.

During quieter times, I can see how much habit there is to being busy, especially around the holidays.

When we listen to our body, we are tuning into deep subtle wisdom.
I wish to honor the part of me that longs to slow down.  

Recently, I had two illnesses that forced me to stop and slow down.
Obviously, I would prefer to consciously choose a slower pace, rather than be brought to a halt by my health and be too out of sorts to enjoy it.

So at the end of this month, I will be taking time off to sit by the fire, read a book, and write in my journal.

Create Seasonal Space

What would it look like to create a sacred space for yourself this season – both inwardly and outwardly?  For me, I adorn my home and altar with lush plants, beautiful statues, candles and fresh flowers.

In contrast to the winter season, spring energy naturally increases my desire to create, to plant seeds, and be productive.  This can be a more comfortable state for egos.

But how do we honor this season of hibernation?  

Can I pause when productivity sneaks up and tries to push me?  It’s nice to have a few rainy days on the sofa with a cup of tea, letting go of the part of me that feels I should be “doing something.”  

When we slow down, there is often a period of agitation, of squirmy-ness.  If we can simply breathe and do some yoga, take a bubble bath, get a massage…those flutters do pass.

I encourage us toward slow meditative walking, journal writing and naps!  Creating sacred space somewhere at home can ground us in the intention to be slow.

I look forward to seeing you in 2023, creating and relaxing with community, with love, and with feeling held.

Until then, namaste, and happy winter solstice!
Lindy

Interview – Wisdom of the Body is Calling You

I had a lot of fun during this interview and I hope it holds an unexpected gift for you and your journey.

 

*Click HERE to listen* 

 

Topics discussed include:

  • Setting boundaries – how to be respectful to yourself

  • Healing power of touch
  • Tantra as an exciting solution for aging sexuality

  • Spirituality of Tantra

And much more…

With all the rules from our society, our culture, our family, plus whatever emotional baggage we’ve accumulated, we often live as if we do not have permission to be our true selves. We generally aren’t given the guidance of how to listen to our hearts’ longing, and don’t have the tools to get past our self-imposed obstacles, even if we do hear a faint voice from somewhere deep inside us.

I’m a ‘permissionary’ on a mission to help you find your own permission—to show up in your authentic truth, dare to ask for what you want, and taste what you’ve been longing for!

 

May this support your most fulfilled life.
Love, Lindy

My Tantric Opening

When I was younger, I had reason to disengage or distance myself from my internal body wisdom.  Let’s just say that the way things went, I became less connected to my s£xual center.  I became cut off from feeling pleasure in most of my body.  Nature and horses became my source of goodness and joy.

In my mid 30s, a friend enrolled about twenty of us to attend our first Tantric Workshop.  If it wasn’t for my friends, I would have been too scared to go (I was quite nervous).

I went with my husband at the time.  We learned ways of opening the body and healing wounded places within relational or s£xual connection.  We learned about energy.  We learned about energy centers called chakras.  Most of all, we learned about deep intimacy and divine union.  

After the course, this group of friends continued to meet once a month for a year.  We practiced pujas and sacred spot massage.  We continued to take advanced courses as they came available.  The combination of immersion and practice created an opening in me that changed my life.

For me, Tantra was the key to my inner kingdom.

Like a flower blooming, I was organically opening to my own energies and aliveness.  I discovered that s£xual energy feeds inspiration, creativity and a certain level of Joy.

The more I learned to use my voice and boundaries during Tantric practice, the more my body felt safe.  The more my body felt safe, the more I could show up in my aliveness.

Moving along this path, I healed the hurt, especially inside my yoni* (*Sanskrit word for vagina – translates as sacred space or holy temple).  Claiming my yoni and it’s pleasure for myself, changed everything for me.

At a certain point, I realized that Tantra was my path.

I realized that I wanted to share this possibility of opening with others.  I wanted them to have the experience of empowered personal aliveness; and if they chose, authentic intimacy with others.

It’s now my love to share the possibility of owning your sacred s£xuality!

For me, Tantra is a path of self-empowerment, creativity and wholeness.  It’s my joy to share this in the world to create more safety and healing in people’s lives.

If you want to speak to me about your own journey and see if this could be a path for you, I welcome your curiosity.  Whether you are a beginner or have years of experience, I’m available for discovery sessions.

Re-Spark Your Sensuality

  • Do you love each other but you’re not making love enough to bring on that radiant spark?
  • Do you find yourself feeling flat and not sensual these days?
  • Are you interested in deeper intimacy in your life?

Here are healing practices to bring back the spark and add more sensuality to your everyday life.

I know what it’s like, I’ve been there!  The sadness and sometimes shame around not feeling juicy and available. There can be a big disconnect between our sexual center and our Lifeforce.

Tantra can give us step-by-step simple practices to bring our sexuality online, whether we are single or in a relationship. Regardless of the reason that our bodies lose the spark, we can bring it back.

Here are a few sweet little ways we can re-engage our sensuous energy body.

We start with bringing back the sensations of pleasure.

With one hand, touch or cup your genitals.  Place your other hand on your heart.  Take three slow deep breaths.  With each inhale, give a slight squeeze of your PC muscles (a kagel).

As you inhale, become aware of the feeling of air moving through the nostrils, the throat.  Feel the expansion of the lungs.  As you exhale, deeply relax…melt.

Expand your awareness to sink deeper into your skin.  Begin to rock the pelvis, letting Waves come up your spine when you feel the spark of pleasure; however small or big, breathe it in and up.  

Energy follows intention.

In your mind’s eye, imagine that you are sipping from the well of sensuality as you breathe in and up.  It may take several times before you feel anything.  Be patient with yourself.

Do this before getting up in the morning; in the shower; with your partner; or with yourself in loving Presence.  This practice reconnects the mind and the feeling of sensuality in the body, including the genitals.

If you’re curious for more, I’m available for discovery sessions

Permission as a Way of Life

My website says, “Welcome to the Permission Zone!”  This concept came from a particular time in my life in the mid 90s when I started to realize the magic that can happen when openness and love are paired with boundaries and clear communication.  So many of us believe that if we are truly ourselves, we will lose love and end up alone.  The Permission Zone is a space where authenticity is given full permission.  In this space, people can have lived experiences of being truly themselves and being loved and accepted in that.

The poem below speaks to my most cherished values and the heart of my work…

I wish for everyone to feel Permission.

Warmly,
Lindy James

Permission

You have permission to inhabit your own life.
To say no
To say yes.
To inhabit your own knowing
Your own body,
And all you allow or do not allow
within it.
To love who you love.
To feel.
To inhabit anger,
contentment, joy.
And heavy sorrow.
To be full of strength,
and to know weakness.
Permission to stand for something. Or to walk away.
To find rest. To tell your story.
To give or take what is yours,
And to never explain why you leave —
Or why you stay.
You have permission, grand permission,
to have a voice. And to use it.
And to let others have theirs too.
To add your voice to the Grand Mosaic,
Your brilliant tile to humanity,
and not be silenced.
You have permission to tell the truth
and to let others tell theirs. Or to be in quiet.
To choose to engage in the old wars
To win the game. To lose it,
or to stand firm.
–Or to find something higher.
To know. –When to listen,
Or when to be cracked open.
To let the silver spores of being infuse your life
Or to watch your tender soul unfurl,
and come to flower.
You have permission to be Wild. So wild
To live in, under, to live *through*.
To experience belief. And what it is to follow.
To Lead,
Or to gather all you own, your whole being, if need be,
and take up your sacred path.
You have permission to live in your full truth today,
Even if that truth is gone, tomorrow.
To be reborn.
Stunned like a babe, gasping from the womb,
only to find rest in the warmth and soft breast
of new Knowing.
You have permission to follow the call of your soul —
Even if it doesn’t make sense.
Even if it is inconvenient.
Even if it only forms more questions —
Even if it only brings you freedom,
Or a heavy burden.
For you are not a herd beast.
*You are a Being of Light*
Individuating your way out of the sleeping tribe.
You are an archangel, exalted to human,
Spreading the great arms of your wings
into Life.
You are a Boat Builder,
A Clock Maker,
A Worker at the Compass.
Full of beauty. Complexity,
and magnificent contradiction.
You, my dear, are a Singer of the Soul.
Never,
Ever,
ask for permission.

by Rachel Alana

How Can We Experience the Field of Love?

Tantra teaches us to create a sacred container where the field of Love can blossom. How do we get there?

This experience comes naturally when we feel safe to open and relax.

Boundaries: We can learn to have clear boundaries and agreements around how we share closeness.  First, we speak up and say what we need and want.  Second, we listen to the other for what they need and want.  Then there’s the possibility for Love to blossom.

Kind vs Nice: Sometimes it can be challenging when we fear that we might disappoint someone.  Yet when we speak our truth, the body often feels more alive and open. This takes practice!  Learning to say no in kind loving ways can help maintain connection and build trust with our partner(s).  Ultimately, we trust others more when we know they will tell us the truth, even if they think we won’t like it!

Out beyond ideas of wrongdoing and rightdoing, there is a field.
I’ll meet you there.
When the soul lies down in that grass, the world is too full to talk about.
Ideas, language, even the phrase ‘each other’ doesn’t make any sense.

Rumi

Being “nice” by saying yes, even when we feel a no, is a habitual behavior pattern.  When we break this and other habits, it opens the possibility for freedom of choice.

In relation to my work, I feel the field of love most of the time.  It’s a feeling of unconditional love that brings me such joy!  I have the honor to witness my students dropping into this field of love, by deeply listening with caring kindness to each other.

Audio – Tantra for Better Living

Lindy was a guest on The Better Sex Podcast ~ Unfiltered Conversations, hosted by Deborah Kat to share words of wisdom, caution and encouragement to support you in Better Sex.

You can listen to the entire episode below.

Topics Discussed

  • How to keep the “spark” alive in relationships
  • The importance (and sexiness) of setting boundaries
  • Chakras and your sex life
  • Tantra in the age of COVID

And much more…

Tantra is Healing

I’ve said before that I see Tantra as a spiritual path to awaken to our own true nature.  Tantra is considered a yoga, a union.  For me, it’s a union with my own divinity and a reflection of the divine.

On the path of awakening, there is healing that naturally happens.  It’s powerful for me to watch my clients step out of their habitual patterns of self-denial, lack of trust, and holding back — into a place of radiance, blooming, and consistent aliveness. 

For those who have been used, abused or even raped, Tantra (the way I offer it – every teacher is different) offers a slow steady journey back to aliveness; back to awakening in all of the chakras.

For example: the second chakra is the sexual center, and it is often shut down and blocked.  As it gets turned back on, opened and cleared of all the woundings and the hurt, we come back to a form of wholeness.  From that space, we are empowered to move from our authenticity: whether that is to make love, be sensual, or to not be sexual, if that’s our truth.  A thriving 2nd chakra also feeds our creativity!

The third chakra is our power center.  A whole and healed power center stops us from giving our power away – it ignites us to be bold, to set our boundaries, and to speak our truth.

There is so much more to what Tantra really is, and it’s my joyful mission to help guide your path.  I take people along in gentle steps, all the way to advanced practices.

I invite you to join me as we explore the Tantric path to Love, Healing and Aliveness.  Please contact me with any questions, curiosities or needed support.

Learning How To Truly Make Love

My First Tantra Steps:

As I shared in my last article about Tantra Myths, at my first Tantra training, I was 34 years old, and terrified.

I judged myself as not Tantra material and almost didn’t attend.  But the inspiring results of a dear friend, whose transformations continued to grow even months after her training, had me push through my resistance.

Ultimately, I attended my inaugural Tantra training with my partner (at the time).  We were taught some things during the day and instructed to practice in our hotel room that night.

I tell you truthfully, it was not the techniques that made the biggest impression.  It was the shift in how we started relating to each other.  As if everything we we did was an opportunity to make more love. 

Shopping together for dinner, it was the first time my partner had held my hand while walking through a supermarket as we chose wine, grapes and cheese.

To my delight, he also had a bag of rose petals to put in the bath for me, and a little trail of petals from the bed to the bath he had drawn.  The entire room was candlelit and I was in sensual heaven.  I had never had such a decadent experience.

When we first learn to be present with one another, people can fall in love (or back in love) because we are all longing for true listening and presence.  Our heart is ignited in these spaces!

Fast forward a year:

After the second Tantra intensive I took, my whole being could see that this was a path for me.  And there was NO SEX.  There was NO ORGY – lol!  There was just a tender repeated asking about, “What is in the way of opening to my sexuality?”

I began assisting the Tantra weekends and got to hear messages about: energy and chakras; about creating a safe container for healing or awakening to happen; and about prayer and ethics.  I continued on by learning Hakomi (a body centered form of psychology), which added to my experience of what it is to find stillness within.

Each Tantra teacher has their own ethos.  Some are about bigger, better orgasms.  That is certainly one of the benefits.

I focus on learning how to truly make love.  

  • How can we slow down to a pace that’s gentle enough for our hearts to open during the journey?

  • How can we play at our edge, but not go so far as to disassociate?

Lots of us had sex without any education about what true connection and love making is.  

There is so much more to what Tantra really is, and I invite you to start with my programs.  I take people along in gentle steps, all the way to advanced practices.

I welcome you to contact me with any questions, curiosities or support for your expanded and fulfilled life of loving!

Blessed be,
Lindy