Love Blows Open My Heart (Again)

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Love Blows Open My Heart (Again)

When my son was two weeks old, I remember being shocked at the sheer intensity of my feelings.  The love for my husband at the time didn’t come close.

The love I was experiencing for this new being was so massive that it felt like I could be killed by it.  Like I might die from how big the feelings were!

It was a strange sensation of simultaneous Vulnerability and Joy.  
Love had blown open my heart.

Then this spring, my son had a son.

I met my grand baby when he was four days old.  I visited again when he was one week old, and just now at his six week mark.  I felt incredible love for him, even before he was born – like we already knew each other.

Love had blown open my heart — again!  

My son

My grandson

Allowing the heart to expand in love.

The heart is a tender place.
We never know when love will arrive at our doorstep.
We never know when our heart will expand to new heights and new depths.

The vulnerability of opening to love is a big deal.

Love this big is a dance.
A dance of patience and holding.
A dance of trust.
And of impermanence.

We never know when love comes, or when love will go.

In my work, I often find that love moves through me.  There’s a welling up of care for the people who come to my events or for the people I work with.  This love is tempered with a kind of letting go as I acknowledge that each of you are on your own path and I have no control.

I don’t know if my grandson will live until a ripe old age, beyond my lifetime.
He could go tomorrow, we never know.

When love blooms big in my heart, I use the moment to ground and feel.
And I keep feeling.
I keep allowing love to guide me.

I look forward to being in the bubble of universal love with all of you.
When the time is right, we shall see each other again.

Love,
Lindy James

Clearly Voicing Your Desires and Needs

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Finding Your Voice in the Bedroom

Part III:
Clearly Voicing Your Desires and Needs

Speaking up involves letting go of my fear that I will disappoint someone, or that their feelings could get hurt.  If I don’t speak up, then my body slowly (or quickly) shuts down.  When I don’t respond to what my body is communicating, then more layers like: fear, projection, guilt, shame and blame can surface.

Over time, honest communication builds bridges that lead to ever-expanding sexuality.  My sexuality can get quite transcendent and wild; but to feel safe enough to let go, I need to know we are both embodied, present and listening to one another.

Saying what I need can sound like, “Please slow down, I need to pause here so that my awareness can catch up.”  Or, “I need to stop for a moment, I have tears coming up.”  Tears can come from joy or happiness.  They can also be from emotional residue leaving our body.  Another way of communicating is to vocalize encouraging sounds to let your giver know when they are on the right track.

In your practice with another, I recommend that you create sacred space by setting aside special time and making the environment beautiful or special somehow.  Maybe soft lights, music, flowers.

If you’re intending to explore your edges, you could voice that and ask for support.  This could sound like, “I’m not used to saying what I need so please just listen, say thank you, and hold me if I get scared.”  

A great practice to use during exploration is called: Fears, Desires & Boundaries.  

Each person takes a turn answering the following questions:

  • What are your fears?
  • What are your desires?
  • What are your boundaries?

One person speaks and the other simply says thank you. This is not the time to convince your partner that he or she shouldn’t feel a certain way.  If something comes up for you while listening, it’s best to talk about it with permission another time.

Finally, negotiate among the two of you where the overlaps of desire are, and stay within the boundaries that were stated.

Using fears, desires and boundaries is a wonderful ritual for helping each other find your voice.  Boundaries can lead to a feeling of incredible freedom because it helps the subconscious relax.  Relaxation is very compatible with arousal and creativity!

Finding your voice and rituals for connection are a big part of what I teach in all my classes and session work.

I would love to support or help. I invite you to set up a free discovery session with me to see what kind of suggestions I might make.

What’s your favorite way to get turned on?

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Finding Your Voice in the Bedroom

Part II:
What’s your favorite way to get turned on?

My turn on is connected to energetic and sensual touch.  Some people are wired more sexually.  Others get turned on when there is more physical or psychological kink in the space.  There are also those who like it all equally, and the more variety the better!

For me, I need to sense that my partner is fully embodied and present.  It can feel disconnecting when they are following some fantasy, script or idea, rather than tuning into the moment.

I enjoy slow energetic touch at first…just feeling their focused attention on me begins to raise my joy and my turn on.  I love to see their eyes gazing into mine, to feel their heart through their touch, to feel their desire to be with me.

Once I’m aroused and connected, I can play in other areas as well, but my path to arousal is pretty clear.  It’s great to notice if your partner(s) have similar or different preferences of turn on so you can bring that to your communication and approach.

How are you at listening to the aliveness of you?
and your partner?

It’s common to get stuck in a menu of what we are good at, what we assume people want, or the things we get pleasure in giving.  There is a place for ideas, forethought and techniques.  There is also a place for being guided in the moment and responding to our partner’s aliveness.  This is especially true when the way we like to be touched is not a match for how our partner likes to receive.

All eroticism is totally beautiful when we are in our body and present.  What can cause harm is when our partner touches us in a way that isn’t aligned with what we like and we don’t speak up.  Either they are not accurately tracking us, or we are not finding our voice…or both.

This is a big topic.  I’m offering one more section, plus an activity to try:
Coming soon: 

  • Part III: Clearly voicing your Desires and Needs

Finding your voice and rituals for connection are a big part of what I teach in all my classes and session work.

I would love to support or help. I invite you to set up a free discovery session with me to see what kind of suggestions I might make.

Finding Your Voice in the Bedroom

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Finding Your Voice in the Bedroom

Part I:
How can you learn what you like?

When I was younger, lovers would ask me, “What do you like?  How do you like to be touched sensually or sexually?”  I would freeze like a deer in headlights.  I wouldn’t know what to say other than, “Try something and I’ll tell you if I like it.”  

Time and time again, I see this same response in couples that I work with.  Particularly coming from women.  This approach has a lot of limitations.  It sidesteps the rich vulnerability of expressing our desire, it puts the creative effort solely onto our partner, and it cuts us off from the intuitive exploration of our body.

Touch preferences are quite varied.  Some of us adore light touch; while others find it too ticklish.  Slow lingering strokes work for some; whereas others like compression squeezes.  Many of us enjoy percussive touch or even scratching.  I recall one of my teachers saying, “There are seven levels of scratching and the seventh level draws blood.”  I say this to remind us that there are ranges in every style of touch that can be explored to find your sweet spot.

Here is an exercise I do with my students called: How do you like to be touched? There is a giver and a receiver. The giver is to only touch the receiver from the elbow to the hand.  Those are the boundaries.  The giver asks the question, “How would you like to be touched?”  The receiver then gives specific answers.  The giver will repeat this question a few times.  The touch lasts 5-7 minutes.  The pairs debrief how that was to give and to receive.  Then they switch roles.

I encourage my students to learn how they like to be touched and to practice with a lover, friend or practice buddy.  Starting with a neutral zone of the body can deter the fear response and give us access to our voice and preferences.  We can expand the zones of exploration as we grow in trust toward ourselves and our partners.

This is a big topic, so I’ve divided it into three parts.
Coming soon: 

  • Part II: How are you at listening to your partner?  How are you at speaking up?
  • Part III: Clearly voicing your Desires and Needs

Finding your voice and rituals for connection are a big part of what I teach in all my classes and session work.

I would love to support or help. I invite you to set up a free discovery session with me to see what kind of suggestions I might make.

Keeping Relationships Juicy

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At the beginning of new love, there can be an effortlessness to passion.  Over time, it is quite common for much of those yummy new relationship feelings to fade.  Life circumstances, health challenges, a new job, children, or aging can add to the sometimes difficult dance of keeping intimacy alive and juicy.

One of the biggest blessings of Tantra are the intentional invitations and practices designed to create love, build attraction, and keep love alive.

ATTUNEMENTS with self.

Tantra invites us to first attend to ourselves with breathing practices, meditation, exercise, being in nature — things that feed our bodies and spirit. Once we tend to ourselves, we can better attune with our partner(s).

One way I see Tantra is the practice of honing the ability to embody the present moment with inner listening, and then step forward to connect with another.  When both people are resourced, the connection is so alive! 

What attunes you to your inner rhythms?  What relaxes and awakens you?

Consider engaging in that practice for a few minutes each day to keep the juice flowing within.

ATTUNEMENTS with another.

In addition to sexual energy, Tantra is also about tuning to the energy of love and full body presence with each other.  Consider setting aside time to nurture each other with 5 – 10 minute practices I call: Attunements.These simple attunement practices can be delicious ways for keeping relationships juicy.  You might:

  • Eye gaze
  • Touch slowly with presence in the hands
  • Spoon and match breathing
  • Pause in your day and hug for three slow deep breaths
  • Sensual massage on shoulders, feet, hands, head…

Simple.  Present.  Intimate.

Verbal attunements involve setting aside a few focused minutes to hear about each other’s day.  While listening, see if you can feel beyond the words into your precious beloved’s heart.

Ask questions like:

  • How was your day?
  • How is your heart?
  • What do you need from me?
  • How can I nourish you?

TANTRA for a busy life.

In a busy life, maybe we have 10 minutes to connect before we need to get up and take care of the children and make dinner.  It’s not practical to put off all our connecting until a date night or a two hour love making session (that may get canceled or interrupted).  Keeping a steady flow of juice going into the relationship with short Attunements makes it more likely that we will feel like making love, or that we will prioritize date night.In 5 minutes of present listening, massaging, holding, or kissing — we can wake up the senses and then cook dinner and have it taste even better.

I love working with couples to find their way back to a juicy connection, or to learn how to keep nurturing and attuning it.

I would love to support or help. I invite you to set up a free discovery session with me to see what kind of suggestions I might make.

Listening IN thru the Seasons

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Happy Winter Solstice everyone!

Winter can be a time for going within, for slowing down, and for listening more to our body’s wisdom.

During quieter times, I can see how much habit there is to being busy, especially around the holidays.

When we listen to our body, we are tuning into deep subtle wisdom.
I wish to honor the part of me that longs to slow down.  

Recently, I had two illnesses that forced me to stop and slow down.
Obviously, I would prefer to consciously choose a slower pace, rather than be brought to a halt by my health and be too out of sorts to enjoy it.

So at the end of this month, I will be taking time off to sit by the fire, read a book, and write in my journal.

Create Seasonal Space

What would it look like to create a sacred space for yourself this season – both inwardly and outwardly?  For me, I adorn my home and altar with lush plants, beautiful statues, candles and fresh flowers.

In contrast to the winter season, spring energy naturally increases my desire to create, to plant seeds, and be productive.  This can be a more comfortable state for egos.

But how do we honor this season of hibernation?  

Can I pause when productivity sneaks up and tries to push me?  It’s nice to have a few rainy days on the sofa with a cup of tea, letting go of the part of me that feels I should be “doing something.”  

When we slow down, there is often a period of agitation, of squirmy-ness.  If we can simply breathe and do some yoga, take a bubble bath, get a massage…those flutters do pass.

I encourage us toward slow meditative walking, journal writing and naps!  Creating sacred space somewhere at home can ground us in the intention to be slow.

I look forward to seeing you in 2023, creating and relaxing with community, with love, and with feeling held.

Until then, namaste, and happy winter solstice!
Lindy

Interview – Wisdom of the Body is Calling You

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I had a lot of fun during this interview and I hope it holds an unexpected gift for you and your journey.

 

*Click HERE to listen* 

 

Topics discussed include:

  • Setting boundaries – how to be respectful to yourself

  • Healing power of touch

  • Tantra as an exciting solution for aging sexuality

  • Spirituality of Tantra

And much more…

With all the rules from our society, our culture, our family, plus whatever emotional baggage we’ve accumulated, we often live as if we do not have permission to be our true selves. We generally aren’t given the guidance of how to listen to our hearts’ longing, and don’t have the tools to get past our self-imposed obstacles, even if we do hear a faint voice from somewhere deep inside us.

I’m a ‘permissionary’ on a mission to help you find your own permission—to show up in your authentic truth, dare to ask for what you want, and taste what you’ve been longing for!

 

May this support your most fulfilled life.
Love, Lindy

My Tantric Opening

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When I was younger, I had reason to disengage or distance myself from my internal body wisdom.  Let’s just say that the way things went, I became less connected to my s£xual center.  I became cut off from feeling pleasure in most of my body.  Nature and horses became my source of goodness and joy.

In my mid 30s, a friend enrolled about twenty of us to attend our first Tantric Workshop.  If it wasn’t for my friends, I would have been too scared to go (I was quite nervous).

I went with my husband at the time.  We learned ways of opening the body and healing wounded places within relational or s£xual connection.  We learned about energy.  We learned about energy centers called chakras.  Most of all, we learned about deep intimacy and divine union.  

After the course, this group of friends continued to meet once a month for a year.  We practiced pujas and sacred spot massage.  We continued to take advanced courses as they came available.  The combination of immersion and practice created an opening in me that changed my life.

For me, Tantra was the key to my inner kingdom.

Like a flower blooming, I was organically opening to my own energies and aliveness.  I discovered that s£xual energy feeds inspiration, creativity and a certain level of Joy.

The more I learned to use my voice and boundaries during Tantric practice, the more my body felt safe.  The more my body felt safe, the more I could show up in my aliveness.

Moving along this path, I healed the hurt, especially inside my yoni* (*Sanskrit word for vagina – translates as sacred space or holy temple).  Claiming my yoni and it’s pleasure for myself, changed everything for me.

At a certain point, I realized that Tantra was my path.

I realized that I wanted to share this possibility of opening with others.  I wanted them to have the experience of empowered personal aliveness; and if they chose, authentic intimacy with others.

It’s now my love to share the possibility of owning your sacred s£xuality!

For me, Tantra is a path of self-empowerment, creativity and wholeness.  It’s my joy to share this in the world to create more safety and healing in people’s lives.

If you want to speak to me about your own journey and see if this could be a path for you, I welcome your curiosity.  Whether you are a beginner or have years of experience, I’m available for discovery sessions.

Re-Spark Your Sensuality

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  • Do you love each other but you’re not making love enough to bring on that radiant spark?
  • Do you find yourself feeling flat and not sensual these days?
  • Are you interested in deeper intimacy in your life?

Here are healing practices to bring back the spark and add more sensuality to your everyday life.

I know what it’s like, I’ve been there!  The sadness and sometimes shame around not feeling juicy and available. There can be a big disconnect between our sexual center and our Lifeforce.

Tantra can give us step-by-step simple practices to bring our sexuality online, whether we are single or in a relationship. Regardless of the reason that our bodies lose the spark, we can bring it back.

Here are a few sweet little ways we can re-engage our sensuous energy body.

We start with bringing back the sensations of pleasure.

With one hand, touch or cup your genitals.  Place your other hand on your heart.  Take three slow deep breaths.  With each inhale, give a slight squeeze of your PC muscles (a kagel).

As you inhale, become aware of the feeling of air moving through the nostrils, the throat.  Feel the expansion of the lungs.  As you exhale, deeply relax…melt.

Expand your awareness to sink deeper into your skin.  Begin to rock the pelvis, letting Waves come up your spine when you feel the spark of pleasure; however small or big, breathe it in and up.  

Energy follows intention.

In your mind’s eye, imagine that you are sipping from the well of sensuality as you breathe in and up.  It may take several times before you feel anything.  Be patient with yourself.

Do this before getting up in the morning; in the shower; with your partner; or with yourself in loving Presence.  This practice reconnects the mind and the feeling of sensuality in the body, including the genitals.

If you’re curious for more, I’m available for discovery sessions

Permission as a Way of Life

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My website says, “Welcome to the Permission Zone!”  This concept came from a particular time in my life in the mid 90s when I started to realize the magic that can happen when openness and love are paired with boundaries and clear communication.  So many of us believe that if we are truly ourselves, we will lose love and end up alone.  The Permission Zone is a space where authenticity is given full permission.  In this space, people can have lived experiences of being truly themselves and being loved and accepted in that.

The poem below speaks to my most cherished values and the heart of my work…

I wish for everyone to feel Permission.

Warmly,
Lindy James

Permission

You have permission to inhabit your own life.
To say no
To say yes.
To inhabit your own knowing
Your own body,
And all you allow or do not allow
within it.
To love who you love.
To feel.
To inhabit anger,
contentment, joy.
And heavy sorrow.
To be full of strength,
and to know weakness.
Permission to stand for something. Or to walk away.
To find rest. To tell your story.
To give or take what is yours,
And to never explain why you leave —
Or why you stay.
You have permission, grand permission,
to have a voice. And to use it.
And to let others have theirs too.
To add your voice to the Grand Mosaic,
Your brilliant tile to humanity,
and not be silenced.
You have permission to tell the truth
and to let others tell theirs. Or to be in quiet.
To choose to engage in the old wars
To win the game. To lose it,
or to stand firm.
–Or to find something higher.
To know. –When to listen,
Or when to be cracked open.
To let the silver spores of being infuse your life
Or to watch your tender soul unfurl,
and come to flower.
You have permission to be Wild. So wild
To live in, under, to live *through*.
To experience belief. And what it is to follow.
To Lead,
Or to gather all you own, your whole being, if need be,
and take up your sacred path.
You have permission to live in your full truth today,
Even if that truth is gone, tomorrow.
To be reborn.
Stunned like a babe, gasping from the womb,
only to find rest in the warmth and soft breast
of new Knowing.
You have permission to follow the call of your soul —
Even if it doesn’t make sense.
Even if it is inconvenient.
Even if it only forms more questions —
Even if it only brings you freedom,
Or a heavy burden.
For you are not a herd beast.
*You are a Being of Light*
Individuating your way out of the sleeping tribe.
You are an archangel, exalted to human,
Spreading the great arms of your wings
into Life.
You are a Boat Builder,
A Clock Maker,
A Worker at the Compass.
Full of beauty. Complexity,
and magnificent contradiction.
You, my dear, are a Singer of the Soul.
Never,
Ever,
ask for permission.

by Rachel Alana