Finding Your Voice in the Bedroom
What’s your favorite way to get turned on?
My turn on is connected to energetic and sensual touch. Some people are wired more sexually. Others get turned on when there is more physical or psychological kink in the space. There are also those who like it all equally, and the more variety the better!
For me, I need to sense that my partner is fully embodied and present. It can feel disconnecting when they are following some fantasy, script or idea, rather than tuning into the moment.
I enjoy slow energetic touch at first…just feeling their focused attention on me begins to raise my joy and my turn on. I love to see their eyes gazing into mine, to feel their heart through their touch, to feel their desire to be with me.
Once I’m aroused and connected, I can play in other areas as well, but my path to arousal is pretty clear. It’s great to notice if your partner(s) have similar or different preferences of turn on so you can bring that to your communication and approach.
How are you at listening to the aliveness of you?
and your partner?
It’s common to get stuck in a menu of what we are good at, what we assume people want, or the things we get pleasure in giving. There is a place for ideas, forethought and techniques. There is also a place for being guided in the moment and responding to our partner’s aliveness. This is especially true when the way we like to be touched is not a match for how our partner likes to receive.
All eroticism is totally beautiful when we are in our body and present. What can cause harm is when our partner touches us in a way that isn’t aligned with what we like and we don’t speak up. Either they are not accurately tracking us, or we are not finding our voice…or both.
This is a big topic. I’m offering one more section, plus an activity to try:
- Part III: Clearly voicing your Desires and Needs
Finding your voice and rituals for connection are a big part of what I teach in all my classes and session work.
I would love to support or help. I invite you to set up a free discovery session with me to see what kind of suggestions I might make.