The Importance of Touch

The body’s nervous system is greatly supported and awakened through touch. Being touched can even facilitate physical healing. In just 30 seconds worth of a hug, our brains naturally start to produce oxytocin. This is the ‘love drug’ you feel when you fall in love.

In the beginning of life, most of us are held by our mothers and family. This touch produces oxytocin and calms the nervous system—for both the parent and child. Sometime along the way to adulthood, the touch we get slowly dissipates. As adults, we mostly receive short hugs with pats on the back, but not the slow, warm touch that produces the inner warmth and relaxation our bodies used to have.

Fortunately, as a young adult, I found the path of Tantra. I learned skills for touching with presence—how to connect from my heart through my hands, how to track the other person, to read how it feels for them to receive the touch.

Among my friends, it is not uncommon for one to reach over and squeeze tension out of someone’s shoulders. As we feel affection in our hearts, it comes out very naturally through touch.

I teach my students a lovely exercise that gives a very grounding touch using long effleurage strokes down the arms, the torso, and the legs—slow enough to really capture the mind’s attention.

Our busy minds tend to take us off into thought, and sometimes we aren’t aware of the energy in our bodies—or lack thereof—until it’s very noticeable. Learning to let go of thoughts and feel into the body is one of the gifts of touch. That, in combination with deep slow breath, can very gently bring us from the thinking mind into awareness and embodiment, where we can feel more and think less.

Another blessing of touch is it helps us feel where our uncomfortable spots are and relax into the support of the loving hands that touch us. Touch can help us release stuck energy and emotions, and return us to a place of flow in the body. When we feel a sense of trust and safety, simple strokes on the body while standing or laying on a massage table can be very nurturing.

When you’re being touched by a skilled practitioner you can also learn to awaken your erogenous zones. As each of us learn our own personal erogenous zones, we find relaxation and trust and experimentation. Starting with long slow effleurage down the body, and finding those places that are delicious and so so simple.

Tantric massage teaches the body how to trust safe touch, and how to breathe in order to expand our hearts or clear stuck energy—opening the chakras, or energy centers—to simply feel relaxed and in the flow of being. The beauty of touch is, it goes both ways. As the receiver feels the pleasure of being touched, the mirror neurons in the giver’s body also feel the pleasure in touching.

The simplicity of touch—for example, holding hands, touching someone’s shoulders, even erotic touch—can be so awakening, and it invites us into experiencing pleasure, and coming back into our bodies.

If you are new to touching, start simply. Take a full breath or two in a hug with someone. Touch their shoulders gently at first, and feel how good it is to hear them express how good it feels. Most of us are surprised at the tension in our shoulders because it’s so constant. It goes numb, and often unnoticed until someone touches us.

Learn to feel, in your body, how touch regulates your nervous system. For me, it’s a simple and slow touch, done with presence, that rocks my world.

And, if you feel safe inviting your friends to cuddle, just lay in each other’s arms while you chat. Stroking the hair, the arms, putting a hand on their heart—are all ways we can connect and have a lovely feeling of relaxation and oxytocin together.

Always look to see if there’s a yes in your body before you begin touching, or being touched. If it feels a little edgy for you at first, just stay present, and stop when you feel you’ve had enough. Next time you might go longer. Non-sexual touch and cuddling are some of the best nurturing experiences I know.

May you all find the courage to experiment with the beauty of touch. And if you’d like to sign up for a Tantric massage with me, just let me know. I’m happy to share this experience of loving touch in a safe container with you.

Many Blessings,
Lindy Dakini James